Champ.

Champ stared at the little elfen fairy that stood on his desk. Just like the old man had promised, a real fairy. It shook its wings and shimmering dust fell onto the desktop. The fairy winked at Champ and then mugged and walked around the desk like a little monkey. It stopped and peed on his calculator and started chewing on one of its toes.

"Christ," Champ said. "Of all things, I get a retarded fairy." He sat down at the desk and tried to peek up its skirt. It had balls and a tiny navy tattoo. "I'm no champ at all," Champ said, and cursed being given the name of a dog.