A love. Affair.
It was in that final moment, before all of the roast beef was gone, that Winslow realized his heart was broken no more. He no longer felt sadness or anger when he thought about his ex. Now all that was left was to tell his guests that the roast beef was actually gamey and undercooked badger, and soon they would be very sick indeed.
posted by Michael at 11:57 PM
7 Comments:
was one of the guests named Tina?
my dark soul laughs with glee at that wonderful deed. a great big to thumbs up.
She was named Swan. But not Swan as in the bird swan, but swan as in the incorrect spelling of the number seven. She had the normal number of eyes and teeth, but that did not stop the boys from picking on her, or trying to look under her dress during recess.
Swan had a very beautiful singing voice, but you would never know because she would never sing to you. Only I know, because I am narrating this short tale of the night that Swan defeated Mangatron. But to hear Swan sing...it was like pouring crystal clear spring water onto the neck of a still-born calf.
Anyway, that night a harsh siren accompanied the tear in the space-time fabric of our dimension, and the phallic body of Lord Mangatron the Slimey hovered into our plane of existance. This tear just so happened to take place in the back of Hollygrove Elementary School and it just so happened that Swan's mother forgot to pick her up from school that evening.
Sensing the alluring scent of a school-girl, Mangatron approached Swan with preditory swiftness, only to find her ready and weilding the most powerful Tai-Zhao blade of Infinitness! Swan screamed her battle cry as she plunged the glowing yellow blade into the Nexum Crystal that served as Mangatron's main neural processing bank, thus releasing the soul-energy of a billion civilizations across the vast eternity of existance.
The resulting explosion that resulted from Mangatron's extinguish knocked Swan against the monkeybars, and there she fainted into a dark and uneasy sleep, only to be awakened the next morning by Joey, who was laughing and pointing at her underpants.
"You, sir, are a nut."
"FUCK YOU!" yelled Gretchen as she struggled inside her shell. "I'm no man!"
I mean, he had to see it coming. There were secret notes you'd find in the margins of the old Accounting books. There were warnings notched into the desks. The old nuns would whisper about it in the shadows, then look at you with wild eyes when you approached them.
I could see him struggling, I could sence the growing terror running across his liquid crystal display. I pressed his belly and found a square root. I tapped on his hairy nipples to find pi to the fourth power.
Jorge had added too many numbers. He had figured out too many percentages. In all his mathematical splendor, Jorge had transformed into a calculator.
And I looked into the mouth of the cosmos, and the cosmos said "GRAAAAAHH."
wow!
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