The Beaches were Peaches to the Farthest Reaches

Amelia's bosom's heaved; they were so full of love. She looked at Edvard. "This isn't the apocalypse, is it?" she asked.

Edvard looked at the brightly colored ball flying through the air. "No," he said, "it's beach volleyball." And so it was, until the end of time.

Vegan Babies

"This is a vegan baby," the lady said to Willy as she handed him the child.

Boy! Thought Willy, soy sure is heavy. He hefted the child about, marveling at how good the world had gotten at imitating meat.

"Yes, our daughter will never consume animal products," the lady went on.

Willy inspected the squirming child. "This soy-baby eats? Is this a real baby," he asked the lady, who suddenly looked confused. The baby spat something up and Willy flung the child away and retreated into the dark mouth of the culvert.

The Sandwichland

The crowd roared and tried to move back, but was blocked by the police barricades. The huge cage in the middle of the town square shuddered and gave way.

"My God!" shouted Doctor McTeseus. "Everyone back!" But it was too late, mustard sprayed everywhere, and all of the babies began crying.

"This mustard blinded my baby," shrieked a woman who then caught fire and ran towards the lake, where she was taken by the ham.

The sandwiches had been loosed, and they were mad with rage and salami, jarlsberg, rye-ola fontina prosciutto, datta dayadhvam damyata.